once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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