it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
