What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
