I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
