i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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