I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize