I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
