don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
