the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
