You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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