Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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