3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
