Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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