I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
