they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
