just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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