What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
