All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
