Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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