Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
