I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just google imaged poop.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
