I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
