I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
