Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize