Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Someone shit on the floor
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
