Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
