I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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