I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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