like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
