Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
