Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So vagazzling was a success
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
