So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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