Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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