If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize