Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
