I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
