Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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