mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
