I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
