6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
