You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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