OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
