What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
