I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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