Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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