i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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