she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
