the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
