So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
