...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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