you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
