currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
