do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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