I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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