i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
