this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
