do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
