i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
