benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
