Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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