her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
