Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
