Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
