I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Threesome in a minivan. New low
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
