yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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