The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
