i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
