Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Green mimosas i think yes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
