I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
