Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
