Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
