I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
