dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
